Lost in the Gay Woods II

Memoires of a.... Gaysha?

2006-01-13T21:32:00.000+08:00

WELL.. HE'S... GAY-SHA? WELL, THATS ME DOING FACIAL! NOT GAY-SHA!

HERE'S THE POST GAYSHA

losing weight

2006-01-12T22:03:00.000+08:00

nothing more than me putting on unnecessary weight which makes me look ugly. Anyway, I have this idiotic lifestyle of eating frequent meals but of small portions and i feel i am getting fatter and fatter. Ok, let's deal with the exercise, which I really need the courage to step into the gym parlour after 5 months being OUT OF THE GYM!

I became damn hell of lazy

But, one thing which i did and which i am still doing now is that I walk to work. Of course, minus the LRT that I have to depend everyday boarding from Taman Bahagia to Ampang Park and University Station which kills my 30 precious minutes in the train + the running to chase the bus and walking to reach to my workplace.

Good exercise huh?

I am now trying to restrict myself to just lunch and having baguette and salad for each meal, but I would just want to see for how long i can live with this baguette lifestyle?

God... give me a pointer!

So guys, what ideas do you have in mind for me to lose weight and start attracting male birds?

:-p

back back back

2006-01-08T23:39:00.000+08:00

Hi guys, I know it has been a long time i never come back to the blogging world, and of course, I did tell most of my friends that i will be stopping, but sometimes, I just dont seem to stop.

Honestly, I have lost my contacts with my other fellow bloggers, after I have left for my government examination for a period of 3 months and certainly, regular bloggers who comes visiting my blog on a regular basis has now turned "irregular". Certainly, that stops my interest in blogging, sometimes.

I would want to try my luck again for now.

I had a long class today lecturing French and meanwhile, i'm battling with an irritating sore-throat and cough. Nonetheless with the fever that i am suffering from now. But I still have to lecture, even tomorrow, but at least i'm granted a 1/2 day leave... :-)

See you guys.

coming back soon :-) January 2006

2005-12-27T22:29:00.000+08:00

coming back soon :-) January 2006

broken hearted

2005-12-11T21:51:00.000+08:00

I just cant simply look back to what I have done wrong, and simply i just thought of throwing myself off from a building.

As simple as that, I met BB years back, when we worked together doing counseling and stuff. I was of course collobrating with him in article writing and sort of things like that. BB was a nice man, so much more than gorgeous kind, and a gym bunny. He was cute and irresistable. Kinda, generous, and full of surprises are his specialties stored in him.

We talked, hanged around on MSN often, and we would share everything from general to personal matters. He treated me exceptionally well.

When I first met him, i told him a lie, a very small lie to protect my identity. But as I started to know him better, I have decided to tell him the truth of the lie. It was a stupid lie that i really cannot admit here, but he really believed the lie, and when i blurted it out to him, he felt he was such a fool, like i have fooled him. Yes, I did left him like a fool, which i didnt even had that intention to. He was too dissapointed of me.

I dont want this matter to affect our friendship further. A small lie could actually change the scenario, left me bogged down, and resting in sleepless nights. Of course I am trying every single thing to win back his confidence and trust in me, but i have somehow left a scar in his heart.

If only i wouldn't have lied to him, I wouldnt have been sitting down here, mourning at my own silly deed.

I have apologized nearly a million times although he accepted them well, but he has treated me differently.

Im such a liar.

let the police in!

2005-11-29T22:07:00.000+08:00

Someone is being arrested, and what happens? read the story which i wrote an hour ago using my own imagination:

One fine day, George is preparing himself to work, and as usual he sleeps in his briefs, and wakes up in his brief, (but sometimes, his brief can just slip out of the blues and leave that hot dog swinging in the air), and had his breakfast alone as usual, and get himself milked up with a bottle of mornin'milk at his apartment. He then stepped into the bathroom, and stripped his briefs down and that "thingy" swinging up in the air, a large 10 inch tool waiting to be sucked and served. The problem is, the poor good looking George hasn't any boyfriend, since his partner died months ago. George havn't found any succesful one, so on that lucky day, he decided to go clubbing and see if anyone is there for to serve his thirst for a boyfriend...

While george was shampooing his hair, someone (police) knocked at his apartment door and rang the door bell. George shouted "wait" asking the police to wait outside, and he waited patiently. George was rinsing the shampoo off his hair and left the bathroom as soon as he could to entertain the guest. Wondering, who the hell is that hanging around at his door in the day?

Then George carefully opens the door, and saw a policeman, in his uniform, big, bold, and beautiful. George's mind strucked.

The conversation started:

George: Good mornin' sir, may I help you?
Police: Yeah, Mr. George, we need to do an early morning inspection since there was a case this morning happend outside your apartment. You don't mind if I can have a look outside the window and inspect?
G: sure
P: Thanks (giving george a naughty smile)
G: You want a drink?
P: No, thanks

(George and the policeman went towards the window)

The police then takes his handcuffs out and went behind George and handcuffed him. George to his astonishment, yelled at the police. The police apologized and said that he would want to do an inspection on George. George agreed, and the police did his research.

The police (Mark) started by asking george to stand facing the wall and George followed. The police with his bare hands, inspected george from his head to his neck, from his neck to his hips and slowly down to his ass cheeks and pulled his bath towel down from his hips. Mark slowly squeezes his asscheeks and George yelled: What the fck ure doin? "I wanna inspect you at the same time enjoying your anatomy" George suspected something, something good happening and allowed Mark to explore his body

Mark then slowly moves his hands to George's crotch grabbing his erected 10 incher and started putting it in his mouth sucking it up and down, his hands moving round George's body, making him feel high

George moaned in pleasure and cum'd into Mark. God, Mark was drinking every slurp and every load that george ejaculated, hearing the glurping sounds of endless flow of cum.

Then Mark decided to fuck George, but Mark would prefer to open his asshole using his cock-looking-bate and pushed into his asshole. George moaned in pain and pleasure

then mark slowly inserts his dick into George's asshole and started fucking in and out, without a condom, and mark started kssing george all over from his head to his neck tasting every part of him.

..... you continue the story

Exams are over?

2005-11-28T20:09:00.000+08:00

Well, exams are definitely over for a moment... i mean, i have another 40-question paper coming next monday, but ahh.. who cares?

anyway, i have decided to come back blogging and join you guys :-)

so, what's new for me?

and i definitely wanna meet my fellow bloggers, so, anyone? :-)

Cold heart

2005-11-23T21:14:00.000+08:00

I have changed. Thats the first thing when i realized this morning glazing myself at the mirror. Not much of physique, but much of my inner-conflicts.

Of course, some things really do bother me hard in my head, and well the only happy thing that i can say is: I'm back blogging.

Everyone's complaining even my friends, saying that i'm too cold, and up to my head nerves all the time. Definitely im not going through periods, or menopause, but its something which bugs me down emotionally. Some has complained that I haven't been smiling for years. (I have stopped smiling since Form 2 ) and hardly a friendly person.

Now, when i say this, there is nothing to do about love, as I have decided to just live alone, and if the right one comes along, i just accept. Im not forcing anyway and if anyone has that kind of perception, please change. Im not desperate.

Just that everything suddenly changed, even my life. Things come seriously and bogs you down emotionally. Why?

Will be back :-p

2005-09-29T21:30:00.000+08:00

Hi guys, I will be back after my SPM. That will be in December. I will go to your blogs personally and inform you guys after I have returned :-)

with lots of love,
Justin

au revoir

2005-09-25T16:49:00.000+08:00

Hi guys, it has been two lovely months that I have been blogging and erm, today, I have decided to stop, but I will return some time later. Anyway, I would like to extend my best wishes to all of you guys, and my acknowledgements to these people:

Kitjar : You have given me the motivation to start a blog, and therefore, you have also guided me a lot in life. Thank you so much for your support, and I will always appreciate that. You were my very first gay person to bring me into this whole world of gay blogging, and I really learn alot from you, and from the other bloggers as well. Thanks for your post about me, after we have met. That will always stay in memory :-) And, you dont have to worry, Kit. I will concentrate totally in my exams, and perhaps, making this choice is the wisest.

Holden: Thanks for your encouragements, and support that you have given through my blog life. Also, thank you very much for bringing me to Media Galaxy ( Hey, kit. thanks for that too). I will definitely get there as soon as my SPM is over. Hope you can come along.

Kekex: You have been the most wonderful young teenage PLU blogger in the PLU world. You have always been supporting me in whatever I do, and I really appreciate your time and effort being with me in my life. I will pray for the best in your exams. And hope we both do well in our SPM.

Wingedman: Hey... you are the only pilot here (i guess...) and really, you have been a great person in this blogging world. Thank you so much for dropping by at my blog for the past 2 months. i will surely miss you guys at my comment area. For the last time, I think I should call you Willy...

Derek: Thanks for meeting me up at Central Market. It has been a great time knowing you and i do wanna thank you for everything you have given. Your time, effort, and encouragement.

Chowhofun: I just like eating chow hor fun at restaurants, but i dont think I will be able to enjoy that after my SPM. Lately, you have been very active at my blog, and I really appreciate you for that. You do keep me going and living here man... thanks ;-) (Ngo wanna tuk kong-tong wah later from u )

Savante: Paul, i have met you since day 1 I started blogging. I hope you know the reason why I had to leave. But I will always appreciate your efforts, encouragement and support. There are many things in life that I need to accomplish, and definitely, I will never get to achieve all of them. Till then, you take care.

To the other bloggers whom I have not mentioned here, thank you for everything, and definitely, i am looking forward to see you guys soon. So, guys, its time for me to pen-off here, and as I have said, i will be coming back to blog, but maybe i have to change the name. Thank you for everything and we will always keep in touch.

Till then, goodbye.

With lots of love,

Justin

Nightmare

2005-09-24T09:58:00.000+08:00

It's not kinda nightmare which happens in my dreams while i sleep, but it is a nightmare of what I have experienced yesterday. For the past 7 days, I bought some gay dvds from Media Galaxy, and finally, I get to borrow my sister's laptop to view the dvds. So, there I load in one of them and enjoyed the first few chapters. Subsequently, there are pauses here and there which made me surprised. And finally, the picture appeared still, without a movement. Damn it! Its jammed!

And this happened to all the burnt DVDs that I have bought, except for the ones that were released from the factory (such as Eating out). This is similar to what happened to some of the CDs that my friend burnt, and wheni play them on my hi-fi it gets jammed halfway like no one's business!

guys, what do you think this can be ????

Shopping day

2005-09-23T17:10:00.000+08:00

Did i miss my lunch? yea.. i did... i rushed all the way downtown to Low Yat and grab my "Eating Out" DVD at the rainbow shop. God.. I went there yesterday to buy it but i wasn't in stock. So, luckily, I came back with that DVD in my hands, plus some other DVDs

I think it was you.. Holden... you told me that they only have softcore. But if you were to look at the new arrivals folder, erm.. they have those hardcore DVDs sold for RM 25 each. Anyway, I bought one of them; tryin it tonite... as well as I bought this DVD: When Boys Fly.

So, after my Low Yat trip, I rushed to Times Square, and looked around at Borders (so Boring), Undershop (bought my transparent undie), and finally, Debenhams. Well, the clothes there are nice, and very fashionable, but the $$$ aren't good...

After Times Sq, I made my way to Starhill, and well, nothing interesting there, i mean, I came back empty handed from Starhill, the branded goods can't really get any affordable these days... maybe it's time for me to go for fake ones..

So, this is my activity for today ;-) and im damn tired. need some Zzzzz, and skipped my lunch.. stomach's growling... Oh guys out there... where you guys like to shop and what do you guys shop????

Linguistic Consultant

2005-09-21T21:30:00.000+08:00

What is a Linguistic Consultant?? What we guys do being a Linguistic Consultant? Usually, if you were to send me e-mails and if i were to reply them, you will usually see an automated signature which places my name, post as a linguistic consultant, and my contact number. But I know of some people asking me what is a Linguistic consultant, and it is something quiet long to explain...

Generally, a linguistic consultant gives counseling and help on linguistic issues in a particular language. Like me, my full title is : French Linguistic Consultant / Conseillier Linguistique du Français Langue étrangère. In short, we just use Linguistic consultant.

What type of help we guys provide? Usually, we give the particular help and aids to people who come to us:

1) University subjects and problems in dealing with linguistic issues
2) provide useful information on linguistic studies (if you wanna learn a language, then we come into the picture)
3) To give pratical advise on how one can succeed in learning a language
4) To teach the language and learn some pedagogical skills

Of course, we guys have to go through pedagogical training and learn some in-s and out-s about linguistics and functions. We also got to learn about morphology, syntaxes, phonics, phonetics, orthography....etc... and that we are actually learning what university students are learning :-) but it's rather tough though... its not easy at all. And that is why i need to buy tons and tons of books to continue my research. oh yeah, at the same time, we guys got to do research in French and also another language, most preffered: Chinese. But I took German.. Chinese is kinda tough.

All our progress and work is controlled by a uni and a lecturer. That makes work tough.

:-) but we are paid. we are actually working people, and working at home :-)

I should be thankful

2005-09-21T16:52:00.000+08:00

Minutes ago, I was reading the French news (Le Monde) and I was searching for some articles on homosexuality.

One article had actually caught my attention: This 22 year-old successful kid: Guillaume - not his real name (pronunciation: gooee-yomm), who is gay, reveals his story about his life at the lycée (high school). Guillaume is very opened about his sexual orientation when he was in the école since the age of 8. Nevertheless, his friends and teachers are also aware of his gay life. But one thing that hurts him most is that his peers often insult and tease him and his teachers are all towards disapproving his lifestyle. Guillame had attempted suicide twice just because he couldn't accept the insults made by the people around his environment. Although he is a top-student who always gets the best exam results in class and a model student (just like me), but he has to live in the closet and suffer in darkness for the rest of his life. His choice: Not to reveal his sexual orientation to his colleagues today.

Well, after reading this, I find Guillaume is sailing in the same boat as I am, but he faces discrimination almost everyday at school, and today, he stands strong and successful. Out of the 2,000 people in my school including teachers, only 3 discriminates my lifestyle, whilst others supported and gave me the encouragement to live. He should be the model to every gay men in this world.

Extrait:

« Jamais je ne révélerai mon homosexualité à mes collègues de travail ». Guillaume, 22 ans, prépare un bac professionnel. Il souhaite rester anonyme. « Je suis le deuxième d'une famille de trois enfants qui a vécu d'abord dans une petite ville du Lot-et-Garonne puis à Bordeaux. A 17 ans, j'ai fait deux tentatives de suicide. Déjà, vers l'âge de 8 ans, je subissais des quolibets de la part de mes copains de classe, qui me traitaient de pédé. Les profs étaient indifférents. On ne considère pas l'insulte homophobe de la même manière que l'insulte raciste. J'étais un enfant dit modèle, premier de la classe mais assez réservé. Les élèves ont dû me sentir comme une agression. Je suis devenu leur bouc émissaire. - Guillaume « n'arrivait pas à parler », alors, à 17 ans, il a craqué

Confident people

2005-09-21T14:06:00.000+08:00

The condition of my skin is not getting any better! I think I gotta seek some specialist help... but my dad just doesn't wanna bring me to hospital and go for check up! I insisted yes, he insisted no.

So, today I had Accounting paper (real-practise where you get the cases and start doing the accounting and transactions) and as well, the Economics paper (multiple-choice questions).

So, I arrived school at 7am, panic, and kinda pale because we had to sit the Accountings paper real soon. I was kinda tired though because last night I couldn't get my nap.... kinda stressed up (so, I put on my discman and tune them out loud so that I can zonk off easily). So, back to school, my classmate: Terry was kinda terrible. He is so confident that he could score well in Accounting, that he didn't even need to have a book in his hands, besides, he loves coming to my place and stare at me studying, or not he is asking me if I am prepared to score distinction for Accounting just like how I scored in the previous semester. Like the distinction is going to be his! Kiasu kid!

Surprisingly, the one who got distinction looks terribly worried and panic. On the other hand, the one who fails accounting look so cool and calm, and start talking big: Aiyah! This easylah! You should do this, do that, etc....

The Accounting paper came out to be a little disspointing to me because I couldn't get to balance the accounts for the last three questions. The first two were just fine. Most of my buddies in class couldn't get to complete their papers due to the limited time offered. Well, 5 long fucking questions to be completed within 2 1/2 hours? I can see some people are rushing.

For kekex, maybe you are interested to know what the topics tested in accounting:

- Jurnal dan Dokumen (The usual Q1 in paper 2)- Lembaran Kerja- Rekod tak Lengkap- Pembubaran Pekongsi- Pembetulan Kesilapan tanpa penerangan dalam Jurnal Am- Syarikat Berhad : Modal Saham Biasa dan Keutamaan
Tiada Titik Pulang Modal... kenapa ah????

The Economics paper was kinda average. But god, I fell asleep right after I have finished the paper. Didn't manage to check through the paper. Fuck!

DOCTOR! DOCTOR !!!!!

2005-09-20T13:55:00.000+08:00

Fuck!!!! ARGH !!!!! Was the word I used to start my day in the bathroom. Why? It seems that my shoulders and chests are covered with humps and bumps !!!!! I need to see a doctor !!!!! And even my arms look scary....

These bumps are not acne or something that you can use benzoil peroxide as a remedy... I need to see the doctor IMMEDIATELY !!!!

These bumps appear after my rashes have cured.... shit ass! What the heck and prob my skin is going through????

Looks like no more guys will be interested in me... no more.... and my bumps will scare them away....

:..-( ----> sobbing

my première fois....

2005-09-19T14:06:00.000+08:00

Was at school today, and haha! yay! I did the best essay in BM and got the highest marks!

But during exams, i still have my time for some shopping.... anyway, everyone has their first time experience when they entered a gay movie shop. I had my first time yesterday. Infact, Holden and Kit did tell me about the "rainbow shop" in Low Yat which sells good selection of gay DVDs.

So, off i go to low yat yesterday too see whats there for me, and of course, I found the shop with the help of Holden (thanks!) When i entered the shop, i went to the packed-up counter and asked: PLU? She starred at me and said <- there, inthe room. So off I went and phew! so many gay guys were there! some holding hands... god... this is heaven man! But my objective is not to hook any guys, but to search for DVDs.

Then I slowly browse through the selection of PLU DVDs all filed in the rainbow-colored folder. Weww.... sooo many selections. I was like kinda excited when i see those, not to mention my hard-on... but I still need to save some money to buy other stuff at Debenhams. So, I spent RM30 on DVDs, just buying two RM 15-s, a couple of softcore stuff, and one of them which I had been eyeing for a long time: Making the Man..... hhmm.. can u imagine a 17 y/o kid watching that???? bah, thats normal!

Unfortunately, I have NO DVD player at home. So, I had to borrow my sister's laptop and view it in there. Hopefully I can remember to eject the DVD and not leaving it in there before she gets a shock of her life that her bro is watching such video!

Anyway, guys, do you have any nice movies to recommend?

Impressionisme....

2005-09-17T22:10:00.000+08:00

What's your very first impression looking at that picture??????

Meeting Mr. SWISSY and cute BUTTOCKS

2005-09-16T17:10:00.000+08:00

Ok, so I had taken my accounts and history exam and that really made me pissed off... I don't know why I hate exams although they test some easy stuff... nevermind. So, after the school bell rings at 1.05, I rushed back home and take a quick shower and hop on the LRT to attend some internal company meeting at my office (at the same time studying, im working, but due to exams, i take 7 mths break) and it is a big meeting for all the committees and staff as well as the members. So, I had to give my presentation and report behalf of my department for the past 12 months, but since i took a 7 month break, so my manager helped me with the report and stuff (everyone in the dept. has to give their report actually which includes my manager - thanks Sissy!)

And, there comes the big star, our company infact has a new director and I anticipated he will be some hunky foreigner. And true enough, a cute swiss guy came walking into the room. I was kinda electrified when I saw him... anyway, he is quite cute though, but arrogant and nosy. So I think he's not going to be the guy I can work with in future... guys, any ideas on how I can please him????????????

so, one of the most embarassing moment was i drank quite a lot during the dinner where we have 30 ppl? God... if i knew that there was wine, i wouldn't have gone because I get really crazy over wines and champaignes... eww... so, I got all red, and my manager decided to send me to the nearest LRT station to get me home. Nice of her, she accompanied me all the way to the ticketing counter and I went back alone :-)

When the LRT arrives, I took a sit at one of the corners where you can lean on the glass window. Beside me, there was this guy standing, quite cute, with his bubbly ass, and nice slim shape, but he's just ugly. He came leaning on the glass window putting his buttocks towards my face. And I was looking at it and got instantly hard! He was sort of rubbing his buttocks on the window because the ride awas a bit shaky in the LRT. So, I put my hand on the railing to make sure I dont fall off the chair, and my hands was just beside his buttocks. And when the LRT is going to reach it's next destination, his buttocks hit my hand, and i can actually feel the tenderness of his buttocks... god, he moved away from me! I just feel like sucking that ass off man....

Im really kinda slut.....

Sejarah tempatan dan luar negara

2005-09-15T21:30:00.000+08:00

God! I really hate SEJARAH! Now, thats the subject that I study most yet nothing gets into my head! So, this morning, I was having my Sejarah paper which started at 7.50am, so I had more than an hour to get prepared before stepping into the classroom distributing the exam papers (back to the old monitor's job)... and finally, i take my seat. Everyone was worried and anxious to know what will be tested in the paper. I was hoping that questions concerning the local law and legal constitution would be tested. Anyway, the chapters that I have stressed on my revision previously wasn't out today, so I just had to sit and answer the available questions for me.

So, before 7.50am, my neighboring friend, Nora was opening the paper peeping it. And she shouted: Aiyoh! Susahnya!

DAMN IT! I was so stressed up before opening the paper and the moment she yelled SUSAHNYA, I felt like vomiting and thats for real! I was hell of tensed because History is kinda subjective and all of us have to anticipate what the heck is coming out... Unlike Geography, Economics, we guys just have to know every single thing because everything will be tested! Unlike History, there's no continuation (e.g. today you'll learn about Roman Civilization, tomorrow you will be hopping to the Chinese Civilization) and to memorize facts isn't that easy for me.

anyway, they tested us on Perjanjian Hubaidyah and that what first comes into my mind is Nabi Muhammad S.A.W, followed by the Ka'abah. Then they asked about Christopher Columbus, the guy who sailed to America, as well as asking us to complete the Negaraku lyric?? and asked us what is the importance of having a natonal anthem? My résponse: to know whether you're gay or straight. doesn't make sense huh?

The followed by essay question where I answered on Nabi's Makkah thingy, Confrontation between Indonesia and Malaysia as well as....umm.. can't remember about that one... kinda rubber thingy.... with Mr. H.D. Ridley..

anyway, the paper sucks! But I managed to finish it within 1/2 hour out of the 2 1/2 hours given to complete the paper. Well, i don't know the first question about the Hubaidyah thing so I had to take my pistol and "tembak"

Followed by Accounting Paper 1 (Objective questions), and that they tested us on Cash books, journals, ledgers, the "sistem catatan bergu", petty cash, debtors, creditors, rapists, etc... kinda easy, but it took the whole 1 hour and 15 minutes and that I don't know why.. maybe the calculation that made me delay!

My bedtime storybook 2

2005-09-13T20:37:00.000+08:00

You might wanna know my second story book that I read before I get to bed and go f*ck with on the pillow: That is Friction 7. God knows when this book (after completing the darn chapters), I find that it is more interesting than cocksure! Anyway, back to the basics, it gets you steamed up, go wild, jerkin off while you read, and get to bed ZzzzzZ ah!! urgh!!! ah!! urgh!!! Oops... i did something...

Nothing much special but only one thing: The way the put their stories in line, getting into the mood first, blending in, and eventually you will see both guys having their cool encounters in bed... well, as what our dear blogger, Willy has mentioned: Why read when you can go get the encounter?... hmm... i'm not that old to experience that yet, maybe still exploring and seeing how guys are doing it until when my time comes, i'm all equiped with those "positions" on my fingertips ;-p In other words: exploring what guys do on guys

Of course, which novel wouldn't have a chapter without the fucking scene? No one will eventually buy the book. Anyway, Friction is one of the gay fictions that has volumes in it, and every new volume is published on an annually basis. Is Jesse Grant still writing???

I have a very bad news for you guys.... there is this rumour going round and actually I believed because i did see the change in my own eyes.... it seems that the government is now scanning through the list of books available at Acma. The problem now is that most of the gay fictions are going to be banned by the government and infact, IT IS TRUE! It seems that some of the fictions that I have bought they're already banned today! WTF!

So guys, let's see who can we depend on to supply us good fictions and picture books from overseas... any ideas?

*but one good thing is i have someone to bring in gay magazines for me from the UK and US :-D

My Bedtime Story Book 1

2005-09-13T16:40:00.000+08:00

Back home, I have a very small collection of gay fictions that I have ordered, a picture book + 2 gay DVDs to start off my gay exploration thing… anyway, I find it more attractive and well, my experiment has come to its result: I’m gay <-- nice label… To be very honest, I’m not attracted at all to the opposite sex, well, I don’t get aroused seeing a girl butt naked… I just close my eyes. eww...

Anyway, I have recently ordered a book and it had arrived few weeks ago… I have been following up with this book every night before I zonk off to bed: cocksure by Bob Vickery

Quite a hot one… and I would rate it the best so far that I have read in my life! Some hot and steamy encounters at the beach, mostly at gay bars, gettin’ laid at motels, in the car, behind the garage, even at their own bedrooms! I really encourage you guys getting this book!

Another I have read but not that fun, it’s called “Fratsex” but it’s kinda boring… the stories are kinda fiction, I mean, you really know its not a reality thingy… but reading Cocksure, you can actually “feel” like you’re the guy getiin’ laid…. Keeps you sweatin’ too... ;-p

CURSE ME MAN!

2005-09-13T13:28:00.000+08:00

I was a bit ill yesterday when I was admitted to the GP clinic, and voilà! Today i'm back to school with my nice shining badge and uniform. Of course, I went there with a smiling face :-) and hope for a brand new day at school after a few days bogged down at home looking at myself: sick.

When I stepped at the school gate, I realized every student is having a book in their hands reading. To my surprise, the Form Fives are also carrying a book as well! God... I knew something happened. (Form 3s have started their trials)... When I stepped into the classroom, GOD! Everyone was asking me if I have studied Moral since today is Moral and English! The paper starts at 7.40 am, and everyone was asking me where I put the test pads as I missed yesterday's paper, and put everyone into trouble! God! I didn't know exam has started! So, I rushed to get the testpads fromthe nearest bookstore at the block, and run straight to the classroom gasping!

I was kinda panic at first, but i am still able to make an origami of a dick during the exam :-) I was actually prepared months ago, and quiet confident about it, but I SHOULD HAVE BEEN INFORMED EARLIER !!!!!!! Maybe I wasn't paying attention though. I didn't even received the timetable of this exam! And it seems that I was really busy with my own schoolwork until i had to be out of the class for several hours in a day (collecting past years' questions to practise)

Anyway, the paper was kinda easy, but just made a careless mistake, in one of the questions... the paper was set by government so there is nothing to worry :-)

It seems that we will be having exams ALL THE WAY TILL DÉCEMBER 5TH! That includes our major one: SPM. I don't feel like getting to my books now... i look more nervous when I see them . ithink I need a cup of coffee and some jazz in my cold-freezing room.... relaxing....... and not to forget, with my facial mask on my face :-)

Pleasure and pressure

2005-09-11T23:45:00.000+08:00

I hate been through very sickening times for the past 20 days! Nothing less than a personal problem, I was also bogged down with physical problems! Ok! Let's re-cap!

Two weeks back, on Friday, I had a terrible rash all over my body! Started from my chest in the morning, and went spreaded to my face within an hour and later to the rest of the parts of my body (except for my privates.. dunno why..) Had 3x jab, 3x free show infront of 3 different doctors and get my asshole played by them, and 3x the medical fee!

I got my head banged on the wall at our school science lab while i was taking a bottle of alcohol that i have produced. Unfortunately, I slipped on a plastic bag which was left lying on the floor, and got my head hit on the wall of the lab. The bottle just broke and the alcohol spilt, and i fainted. The ambulance came to the rescue, but I was okay few minutes later. That was on Monday.

Come Tuesday, I had a terrible diahorrea. I was back to school that time, and I had to rush to the gents' a couple of times. This went on till today.

Come Wednesday, I had slight fever. God! What the hell is wrong with me??? But I managed to get it done with few panadols within a day. (I usually have at most 2x fever/year for the past 17 years but this year, I have had 5x of fever and that my attendance at school was horrible!)

Come Thursday and Friday, the diahorrea come back. In fact, I realised that I had constant diahorrea for the past 2 months! I think I should see the doctor.

Come Saturday, I had to go to the rescue! The rash came back and re-attacked me. But luckily with some help of the steroids and medication, everything was back to normal!

Come Sunday (today), there comes the rush-hush to the toilet again! Diahorrea! This time with some vomiting. What the HELL IS GOING ON???? Hopefully it wasn't the buffet that i had today with my family at Mandarin Oriental... no one had diahorrea except for this poor boy...

Come tomorrow.... i think i'm quite afraid to face the next day..... don't know what will happen next....???

But the only pleasure to all these: jerkin'off and had my butt played by some doctors at the clinic... their warm hands over your butt rubbin'' them..... honestly, i dont feel like getting off the clinic bed after got rubbed by them....;-p

jeff ..... ~~~~.......

2005-09-10T17:02:00.000+08:00

Nothing is better than starring at Jeff Timmons, this 98 degrees hunk, which made me fell in love with him ever since he apppeared as an invited guest in one of the Malaysian Idol shows. (Hopefully Paul Moss didn't made any moves on him...) God! I can resist his charming blue eyes, his smile that keeps me stunned, and his perfect body shape that makes me hunger for his type of built even more. I guess I have to enrol my sessions at Faggot's First and have extra-workouts...

Honestly, I was stunned watching him on TV during his appearence (Sunday lunch), and I could hardly move him away from my sight. The way he behaves, his movements, smiles, compliments, made me hunger for him even more !!!!!

I bet he is not only my desired hunk... hehehe... sometimes, I was just wondering: IS JEFF GAY? If he really is, my fake dreams of dating him will continue. If he isn't, then it is such a waste for all the gay guys out there... I would just convert him if possible (how silly i am..) anyway, it is either: To get his smooth-hard built and go for plastic surgery, or to invite him to my bed... I need to admire something of him... ;-p

don't you think he's cute ??????

Dude....did you see he's in shower???

2005-09-08T14:37:00.000+08:00

Imagine you just came back from a hard day's work, and you needed shower to refresh yourself. So, you've got your towels ready and hop into the bathroom. Just as you strip yourself into shower, you noticed someone is eyeing at you... who will that be???

I live in this rented-bungalow house in PJ where the bathrooms have large windows, good enough to expose your body from your head to your knees if you don't keep the windows properly closed. So, while i was stripping myself off, and get into shower, naked, i heard clear noises from outside (the bathroom window is facing my neighbour's compound and the main road) and to my surprise, the windows were not properly SHUT! God! My neighbour was starring at me, and i was wondering, how many cars have passed by that main road?? God! I'm performing some X-rated show openly without myself noticing it!

I quickly shut the windows and continued showering in embarrasment. But the windows were not 100% shut because of the old glass pane windows that its hinges are already rusted years ago, but anyway it is better than not shutting it at all... i might be careless of not noticing the windows were open.. ;-p

I was just wondering what if Susan (in DH) were to spy Mike Delfino in shower??? or, Gabrielle spying Jesse Metcalfe's wettin' muscles???... hmm..... must be interesting though... :-p Well, I really wanna see Mike Delfino in his bathroom squeaking himself clean.... ok... im gettin' wild...

so, wanna be my neighbour???

Excusez-moi, sir... r u accusin' me???

2005-09-07T13:32:00.000+08:00

No one can believe a student could fight a teacher who everyone is afraid of. And I was the first student who broke the record. Not to say proud, but I was too annoyed with his idiotic attitude.

Story goes like this: At the end of each year, every student who will be leaving the school will be filling up a form with particulars which will be printed on the students' respective leaving certificates. In that form, there was this column that we are required to fill which is our extra-curricular grades and evaluation throughout the year. There, each student has to prove that whatever they fill in the column must be proven through a book which the students will keep throughout their schooling years which has the extra-curricular grades and marks in it. We hold two books which is the extra-curricular record book, and the academic book (similar to report cards).

So, this year will be my final year at High School. So, I was required to see the particular teachers to get the approval and signature to verify that I have achieved certain extra-curricular achievements and with all the poses that I have held for the past 5 years at school. So came this teacher whom I have mentioned that I had a fight with him today, he was the head of the extra-curricular department and he looked through my book with full of suspicion (he couldn't believe the high marks that I have got from the teachers for the past 5 years) and to his suspicion, he questioned me many questions and worse still, he accused me of faking the marks! I have reasoned out to him that I have earnt the marks with my own effort and I was innocent about the grading. Unfortunately, that teacher who signed my book has left for Shanghai! But he insisted that I changed the marks without the teacher's knowledge and FORCED ME to admit!

Of course, I always put justice as priority and insisted that I AM INNOCENT and I DIDNT FAKE THE MARKS! He went round the teacher's room and made a humiliation on me, I shouted and say: DONT YOU EVER DARE FORCE ME TO ADMIT THINGS WHICH I DONT EVEN DO!

How can a teacher accuse students without any prove? And if I were to fake the extra-curricular marks, don't you think I should fake the report card/academic results first???? Extra curricular marks are not important for me in getting further...

Anyway, everyone hated him at school, even teachers. Some teachers have complained to me about him, because of his sickening attitude that everyone hates. Even back in the 80's, my cousin (Who was a head prefect there) hated that teacher so much. No one could ever get along with him! No one!

Trying to forget...

2005-09-03T22:51:00.000+08:00

Confusions do get along when I discovered I am gay. Nothing else than a 15 year old kid who struggles through the ups and downs discovering his own sexual orientation, going along depression and crushes on guys. That little bastard would be me, sitting here writing my own story, my very own love life.

When I was 12, I used to see girls crying when their boyfriends dumped them at the end of the day. I used to console them and tell them it is of no use crying because love is not for you at your age. When I joined the school counseling society, I used to tell these girls to refrain from falling in love and just concentrate in their studies. And now seeing these young girls who are now going to be the young ladies of the school live without any single soul partner.

Sometimes, looking at them could make me feel embarrassed and ashamed. Looking back, I fell in love with a guy, who eventually became my boyfriend, an official one, but alas, he passed away due to a nasty car accident on his way back from his hometown. Since then, I knew I had to be strong, and to continue living without any sense of fear and loneliness. But things were difficult and tough.

My late boyfriend (John - not his real name) was a very charming and sweet guy. Anyone who owns him as a soul partner will never regret for life, and it is always a perfect choice. We met in December 2004, where I posted an article on a book, and he responded to my article sent personally via e-mail. I find his remark interesting and we communicate through the internet until he left his mobile contact. I knew I had to call him since he left his mobile contact, so I did. But alas, he left his mobile at his office, and I just had to wait until the next day comes, and he replied my call. I remembered I had a terrible sore-throat that time when I really had to keep my sexy tone down. Since then, we found what we wanted that time, love.

John was a nice guy on the phone, and since then, he calls me three times daily. During tea, before he enters his apartment after work, and before he gets to bed. Of course, I wouldn't get to sleep during the nights when I never hear his voice and sweet kisses before I go to bed which never happened before. Every night without fail, he calls me and we'll talk till midnight, regardless of the amount left in his prepaid phone. Since then, he had to reload his mobile twice weekly!

Not only the calls that he made was costly, we even communicated through e-mails twice daily. We were both so in love, like nothing can keep us apart. Of course, I wouldn't expect my partner to pamper me with calls and kisses, and that will never happen.

Two months later, we have decided to meet at the Twin Towers at Kuala Lumpur. I knew John couldn't wait to meet me there, as the night before, we couldn't even get to our beds thinking of the excitement to meet in the next day.

We exchanged photos, and I knew John is going to be a charming man. Yes, he was not until I met him he was much shorter than I was! I was astonished and would nearly got stunned by his petite features! But because of the love that he had for each other, and the time we have spent for each other, I knew this guy is a perfect one for me and I have learnt that looks isn't that important, it is the heart that matters. Anyway, I skipped my accounts tuition just to meet John... :-)

We went to Sun Moulin (a café beside Isetan) and had a cup of coffee. We were both very quiet, and he flipping through magazines, but I was sitting opposite him facing him, looking at him flipping through the magazines. But he didn't say a word. I have never held his hand before, but I don't wish to do so in public. From Sun Moulin, we walked through some fashion shops at KLCC, looking for clothing and accessories, and we finally stopped at Strüdels to have a cup of coffee again, and that was our lunch. We didn't say a single word besides walking around and looking at each other.

Then we both have decided to leave and take the LRT back home. John had decided to send me home and he did. He was a sweet guy, and the following day, he has to pack his clothes for his new year celebration back in his hometown.

Three days later, was the first day of Chinese New Year, and my family and I had to take the journey back to our hometown in Johore. On our way back, I was astonished to meet John driving along the highway and his car was just beside my parents'! When he noticed me sitting in the car looking out at the window, he waved at me, but i just smiled. I didn't want to do anything odd in the car that could raise my parents' curiosity of my strange behavior. So I just had to smile. What a coincidence!

A week later, when I SMSed John and called him, his mobile was not activated. That went on for few days. In fact, I have tried calling his house but no one answered. Not until a week later after I called, his friend called me and said that John passed away in a car accident, and asked me to attend his funeral in his hometown. I refused and I had to apologize.

Since the day he passed away, things were merely odd for me. Those nights without cuddles and kisses, phone calls and days without e-mails were just suffering for me. I knew I had to come back to my very own single lifestyle without John and I had to blend with it. I was depressed for a week, and everything was just as normal a week later. But it was all different for me.

Not until few weeks ago, I had a crush on someone, but I would just wonder what the response is... even in life, we don't even expect everyone to respond positively to our crushes, but now, I am ready for another relationship with my crushed one... I just hope that I could share the love that I have with that someone special, and to love the person with all my heart.

I was just hoping by writing this, I would just forget every single horrible thing that happened to me during my first relationship that I have ever had. It was painful to remember, and it will always be. I don't need sympathy, but I need help to forget the past, and to forget about John.

AIYOH! Penang Bridge CRACK liao!

2005-09-02T15:11:00.000+08:00

Oh MY GOD !!!!!

How am I going back to my hometown with that crack on the bridge? Well, flying by air might be an alternative.. hahaha... but you can be shocked man! Look at the crack on the bridge... isn't it frightening? Well, I heard that recently some people were doing some construction on the bridge and might have caused the old bridge to crack! Looks like for those who are travelling by vehicle, they might just have to board the ferry! Back to the golden days...
Picture courtesy of Mrs. Tan, my aunt :-) Thank you.
________________________________

Anywway, I had a very terrible rash on my whole body due to allergy, but it seems that it was spreaded by virus according to some medical specialist. I was jabbed 3x from 3 different clinics at my ass and it seems that my ass is suffering from jab sores like hell!

But everything seemed to be ok today, so I went back to school, and I have met Derek today at Central Market. Nice meeting you, Derek :-) and it is of course a very nice thing to get to communicate and meet with these people... Thank you for the lunch as well, Derek. And another thing, derek, is not that I don't dine at hawker restaurants, just not used to that, but the beef noodles were great, and I would definitely look forward to dine there for lunch again... I have never tasted such nice beef ball noodles, and that's for real! :-)

So, let's get back to the penang bridge topic, what do you think huh???

In my trousers, under my covers

2005-08-30T02:46:00.000+08:00

Well, the topic of underwear could be getting hotter now among my circle of bloggers... anyway, it is essential for every guy to have an undie in them when they go out, but sometimes, it's not for me. Every morning before I leave for school, I need to take a shower, and get out of bed of course! And gettin' out of bed at 6.30am is no joke, I will be up blurr and in a not-so-alert state, so I couldn't even diffrenciate colors, take for an instance Green colored pants to me will look like blue. Blurr eyes... so, when I get my uniform ready, sometimes, I will just leave my underwear alone, and when I start to realize I didn't take my underwear with me into the bathroom, I will be damn lazy to pull get one from my wardrobe! So for a change, I will never go to school with my underwear, but no one knows! hahahahaha!

Anyway, underwear has been a type of "home attire" for me when I am at home, of course. My parents would find it sick with me wearing just boxers at home in the evenings and ask me to get to my full attire, that's going to be hel of shit because it is so uncomfortable! I mean, when I'm at home, I prefer to relax, and not to wear some things that make me look like i am not at home at all. Well, to me, just wear an undie and go walking around at home is just good enough. No one will look unless I live at Wisteria Lane where Suzan and the housewives will keep an eye on me from hour to hour!

Wearing jockstraps are my favourite although its a bit suffering for my li'l bro, because it's a bit tight, but to me: fashion sake man! So, everytime when I know there will be P.E. (Physical Education) lessons, i will make sure i wear my sexiest jockstrap and get to the changing room. All guys were wearing those out-dated antique discolored briefs, while me with my li'l asshole exposed.... and every guy has a sense of arousal in them.... Of course, I noticed their dicks gettin; hard but well, no big deal for me. Just take my time to change, I'm the first to get into the locker room and the last to leave...

It is nice to wear nothing when you go to bed (I'm not talking about fetish or what), but it is really healthy for your líl brother because it gives him some space to breathe at night, just like how babies' ass gotta get some air during sleep with Mamy Poko... So, for male adults, don't be shy to expose yourself infront of your bed, i mean, although wearing nothing in bed may seem embarassing, but actually it's much healthier for you, yet to give a nice suitable temperature to your balls to produce high-quality male juice in you!

2005-08-28T16:37:00.000+08:00

After watching the show: Desperate Housewives, I start to realize that I have a bit of similar characteristics of the sexiest female character in it: Gabrielle Solis. Her passion for lingerie, shopping, appearances, are just what I like most in life: To live a luxurious life.

Of course, I do shop for new underwear at least 2x a month, and at most 4x a month. Just anytime when I go shopping, I am always sure to drop by male lingerie shops and have a sneak at their range of designs… Of course, I’m getting bored with those designs found at normal Departmental stores, unless you get to Suria KLCC to see some undergarments of famous designers such as Calvin Klein.

But my cash isn’t that loaded to buy Calvin Klein’s undie, because I’m not working at all. I mean currently, I’m jobless… Would want to find something more unique like something transparent, a bit here and there… but why the fetish? I own almost 50 pairs of undergarments, and just during the recent Tsunami attack, I donated 10% of mine which I hardly wear, maybe once in a lifetime. They’re unwanted because of the discolored spots…

Anyway, besides playing with lingerie, I do play around with shopping. Well, I love shopping for clothes, and anyway, I just came back from Metrojaya at Section 14 with their blockbuster sale products here ranging from male cosmetics to clothing. Well, of course the shirt that I like most is always the ones with stripes which is of black and brown color. Shopping at Starhill or Suria KLCC for fashion would be great. Besides, I am going to hunt for a new pair of sunglasses there… which makes me look cool during clubbing! Shopping at acmabooks.com would be a little costly because I have to surf the internet for books and it takes me hours!

Talking about appearances, I used to follow my mother and sister to buy cosmetics and facial products. Of course, I would admit: I am super-duper familiar with Estée Lauder’s products ranging from A-Z and their uses. I even tried Idealist and it works! But on my part, once a month, I regularly visit the hair salon to get my hair re-arranged and re-design, re-shaped and also, to get back the lost nutrients in it. Facial wouldn’t be that important for me now, but I am going into it soon… going to the gym is always a must!

But this male version of Gabrielle Solis (which is me) falls so deeply in love with someone’s hunky looks and body: that guy who dated the main character… Terry… who is that ah?

Hmm… tell me, am I that crazy????

Anyway, which character of the Desperate Housewives best relates to yours?

MY NAME IS J*STIN

2005-08-26T21:18:00.000+08:00

It seems Kitjar was tagging about himself, and maybe I should do the same too. Briefly:

Lifetime

Have a happily-ever-after gay marriage with my husband living in Canada, or France or anywhere, as long as that country accepts gay unions, and gay people of course! At that time, we might think of adopting kids (gay parenting comes into the picture) and live a happy life, but I just hope my kids won’t question their friends or teachers: Where did I come from? I have two daddies….

In 8 years time – Hope to get a steady relationship by then, and might plan to get married. Hope to protect the gay rights using my Law knowledge….

In 7 years time – hope to graduate from Cambridge, Harvard, Oxford, King’s, or worst still, University of London to get my Law degree + BAR / CLP (Cert. of Legal Practice) and Bachelor or Arts (B.A.) in Modern European Languages which is French.

By next year – I should have my Highest Diploma in the French Language, and to get my body totally built at Faggots First. Then I can attend my sister’s wedding with broad shoulders and body then can “show em’ off” to her friends….- make em’ lick my swetin' abs…., and also, to make sure I get straight A’s in SPM, but not to get straight in life because I’m gay!

By tomorrow – I will be meeting Derek at the Cow Noodle shop at Central Market yeah???

By today – I have to chat with one of my dear bloggers… whom I’ve longed to have a chat with. Hope you’ll be online…

By the next hour – I need to buy my coffin

Yesterday – I was crying in depression, personal problems of course!

Last year – I accepted myself as gay, and would happily live with it and come out to the WORLD!

Past 2 years – I was offered to go to Paris to study at Université de Sorbonne IV, to sit for my French Diploma Examination. I came back “Junior’s 2nd Class”

Past 5 years – I remembered I was offered a recording contract with Sony Music, haha… I loved performing on stages with all my pop songs. But now, I’m only singing jazz and blues. God… Michael Bublé must fall in love with me man!

Past 7 years – I was often bullied by people because I was OW (Overweight), I was as fat as a sumo, and god knows why I was damn fat last time. But not now with the building muscles that I can admire…

Past 9 years – I got scolded from my mom all the time and for the past 9 years I had always been beaten by em’.

Past 17 years – I was born.

MY BAD HABITS

1) Stare into people’s pee slits at the washroom
2) Farting while shopping
3) Burping quietly so no once notices
4) Digging my nose when I have nothing to do
5) Addicted to wanking! Shit!
6) Pee at the toilet doors
7) OSOC (Overspending on clothes and underwear obsession)
8) Drink alcohol without any sense of control, until I get drunk and maybe: get laid!

MY GOOD HABITS

1) Have been always donating books, CD players, clothes, underwear….
2) Super nerd! Loves reading! – but selected books (C*cksure – be sure to read that!)
3) Always follow dining etiquettes
4) Always follow social etiquettes; not to jump over the limit in speech
5) Kick someone’s ass when I get things right!
6) Have been always attending religious services… Hallelujah!
7) Holding the Bible in my right hand and holding “Ultimate Gay Sex by Michael Thomas Ford” in my left hand to church!
8) Love complimenting people until they run away!
9) Always do good when people do good towards me :-)
10) Pray when I’m BROKE!

BIGGEST JOYS

1) Awarded as the best debator in the Petaling District
2) Awarded as the best public speaker in the State District
3) Awarded as the Junior French Language Research Awards
4) Got my Diplôme d’Études et Recherche de la langue française Internationale de lÚniversité de Sorbonne IV, Paris and the only Malaysian Representitive since 1999.
5) Opened my first French Language Association in Malaysia www.geocities.com/aslfmalaisie/
6) Had my first date: Dec 2004 – Feb 2005 (u guys know who…)
7) Got a recording contract – but rejected because of my parents…
8) Always been the first boy in class for the past few years
9) Straight A’s for PMR
10) Having to know the gay community at the Blog here. Nice to know you guys… :-)

MY LOVE LIFE

1) Didn’t work out, dia sudah mati kemalangan…

5 THINGS I’LL WEAR:

1) Orange colored thong
2) White colored briefs
3) Rainbow colored Bikinis
4) White colored Boxers
5) And tight muscle tee

5 THINGS I’LL EAT

1) Salad
2) Carrots
3) Beef steak
4) Sushi
5) …someone’s spank!

5 THINGS I HAVE TO DO IN FUTURE

1) F*ck a guy
2) Get married
3) And have a happy family
4) Take care of my parents
5) Get my way to heaven

Fitness maniac!

2005-08-25T14:55:00.000+08:00

Just came back from Fitness First at Axis, PJ. I was really fascinated with the facilities and ambience they have there compared to the one which I have participated previously at Hilton PJ: Clark and Hatch. They have asked me several questions, visited their sauna, spa, etc… and it seems that the guys there were hunks…. I mean, they were superb! Some guys with that young hunky look, sexy legs, sizzling muscles.... etc… turned me on like hell! But not just that, I have attracted them to attention as well. ;-) <>

Regretted of not asking them: you’re gay??? ;-)

Came to the supervisor’s surprise: he said my built was too nice for a 17 y/o kid! That’s my effort! Ok?

So, there was this column where I am required to fill up: What do you expect when you come to this gym? My happiest response was: To have great built… of course...

The section where I like most in the gym is where all the guys will carry their weights up and down, looking at their hunky biceps and triceps, and those cross-trainers…. Hmm…. Yummy…

But the one which made me laugh but it’s true: Losing weight (I put on 2 kg for no reason this week, must be the Japanese buffet)

So, what you guys do to lose weight besides riding on those “scary” bikes in those gym centers?

Just a crush on a cool hunk...

2005-08-22T11:56:00.000+08:00

haih... Just came back from my frustarating accounts tuition... well, I really get so sick there when everybdoy's quiet, like studying in a graveyard. Unlike my Bahasa Malaysia tuition, it seems that the teacher hardly teaches, but we actually pay our fees to join their gossips! Anyway, you guys have read my previous post on Latter Days movie, so here, I would like to post and focus personally to a great-cool-hunk!

STEVE SANDVOSS is his name... the cool hunk that I liked soooo much. He's cool, handsome and well, his "innocent" and "boyish" looks really turn me on! LOL ! Well, imagine walking in the streets of .L.A. and you just bumped into him, phew, if i were to be in that situation, a one night stand will be offered from me to him! Hahahahaaha! Of course I won't act so stupidly!

In case if you don't really know who Steve Sandvoss is, he's one of the main actors of the show "Latter Days", not anything to do with Mormon preachings, but it is a romantic drama that is now popular at developed gay countries such as Hong Kong, U.S, U.K, France, etc...

Of course, his appearance as Elder Aaron Davis was the most suitable character for him to play, since his boyish looks is just suitable with his role as a 19-year-old mormon boy. Of course, this kid is playing around with Ram Wesley (as Christian), with their unforgettable one-night stand in the airport hotel, where I really see Aaron's body was..... tempting..... and tasty..... hmm... maybe I should consider searching for his contact to hook him up! LOL!!!!

Well, Steve looks great with his white-colored uniform with a tie where he usually wears that during his mormon preachings... haha... he's too cute though... and if any guy gets to hook him up, I think that person must be luckiest of all! Better than striking a 4D man!

LATTER DAYS SOUNDTRACK

Hmm, it seems that some people replied to the Latter Days movie post which I have posted last time, maybe you guys are interested to obtain the soundtrack. Anyway, the soundtrack can’t be obtained from any of the local record stores, so you got to search for them yourself! But the good news is: with my friends help online, I’ve managed to get some of the main songs and compiled them into a CD. Tracks like Tuesday 3am, Never younger than you are tonight, Another Beautiful Day, More, Hymn For Those Who Are Left Behind, and If I could be With You Now.

Great tracks, and if you want them, just tell me. I will either send you the link, or if you want the CD, I can sell to you.

I do admire other actors too... but of course, I believe that you guys have an actor which you really admire, share em' with us at the blog here! I'm longing to see who you guys admire... :-)

Live GAY ! - (part one) - coming out

2005-08-19T08:38:00.000+08:00

Maybe to most people, the title :Live Gay, Gay Lifestyle, Live the Gay lifestyle, etc, might sound similar to you... and of course, most of us will be anxious on the topics discussed pertaining the gay lifestyle.. anyway, i will be posting some articles on gay lifestyle, not everyday, of course, maybe once a week until I have nothing else to post regarding this topic. And i'll try keeping these topics as exciting as possible through experiences, encounters, etc.. But of course, your comments are welcomed, and that's the most important thing to keep this blog going on!

COMING OUT - PART OF THE GAY MEN'S PROCESS

The process of coming out might seem to be simple, but I really doubt how simple could it get... as many people have faced depressions during their coming out years especially to their peers, teachers even parents!

A bit of history: scientists believed that sexual attractions are developped in peoples' genes at birth, but the society believed that it is a process that every teen should go through incl. experiences and encounters. Therefore, when gay teens have determined their sexual attractions towards the same-sex, they might consider coming out from the closet (just like me... :-)

But the coming out process isn't necessary to happen only to kids, it could also happen to adults like you! There are few types of coming out situations. You can choose to be out to your:

1 - yourself
2 - peers
3 - colleagues at work or teachers when you're still a yuppie
4 - public (if you still want to hide from your family)
5 - parents
6 - family
7 - public (when your family knows you're gay)
8 - religious teachers

YOURSELF - THE GATEWAY OF KNOWING YOUR GOODSELF..

If you realised, I've bolded point no. 1 which is yourself. Because self-acceptance of your own sexual orientation is very important as the challenges that you will be facing through the coming out process might be stressful. How to accept yourself? Easy: time will tell you when you're ready... well, if you are still afraid to accept yourself, maybe you should consider your past relationships or have some flashbacks about your crushes.... Of course, the key to enter the gay world openly also bounds back to self-acceptance! Equipt yourself with information on homosexuality and get all the necessary contacts incase you need help (like the Pink Triangle Foundation hotline).

I remembered the moment when I couldn't even come out to myself, and I attempted suicide.... (long story...)

PEERS

Now, when you have accepted yourself, you might want to find comfort and acceptance by others, maybe the first step you should make is coming out to your peers, or if you feel somewhat depressed after accepting yourself, maybe you should have a private talk with a counsellor, like me, I spoke to a pastor (but not an advisable step to make) Well, you can come out to your peers whom you have known for quite a long time, but if you know your friends are not opened to such topics, just don't say a word about it. Tell to someone whom you can trust and who can be with you through good and bad times. But if rumours and gossips were to be spreaded around, then you got to be prepared to pay the price: insult...

even at school now, most of my schoolmates often tease me with awful names such as fag-boy, gay bastard, f*ckng gay shit, pondan, ah-qua, sissyboy etc.... they even draw graffiti on walls teasing me! But with all these things around, I believed that I have had to be strong and take this as a challenge. Even girls who have admired me would turn their heads around now.

Of course,I still have friends who still can protect and understand me and I really thank them.

COLLEAGUES AND TEACHERS

Your colleagues might be sick to find out your sexuality more so when coming out at work... remember, work is not a place where you can reveal your sexualioty. It is not ethical at all. and the worst scenario is when you lose you job! hahahahaahhahaha! So, you can be out to some of your workmates and colleagues who are open to such topics. Same goes to the teachers.

PARENTS AND FAMILY

I remembered when I was so desperate to tell my mom that i'm gay, I made her cry.... it was this night in the car when my dad decided to pump in some petrol into the car, and i was with my mom, alone. The conversation with my mom was this:

Mom: Hey, Justin, it seems your sister is getting married soon
Me: Yeah...
Mom: what if you will be getting married and we're be all alone?
Me: Mom, please don't talk about getting married, im not interested at all!
Mom: Please repeat that
Me: I'm not interested in getting married or relationships
Mom: You mean you don't like girls?
Me: ( i laughed silently)
Mom: Really? you like guys ah?
Me: (i laughed silently again)
Mom: What? you're gay??? that's soooooooooooo abnormal man!
Me: (I laughed again)
Mom: you're really gay??? (tears rolling down)
Me: mom, did i ever say that i'm gay??? (just to shut her up)

everything was back to normal.

So, some parents can't accept the fact that their child is gay. So what are you going to do? Maybe I was in a rush-hush situation telling my mom when it is not necessary for me to do so at that point of time, so maybe I should just shut up. But of course, one of the things that you can do is to leave clues like: "Hey, mom, that guy's handsome, he has nice pecs....""

You can also buy books and reading materials for your parents to read pertaining gay life, etc. But of course don't give them the book: Ultimate Gay Sex ! LOL!!!!! Some coming out advices for parents will be nice... (www.outproud.com)

PUBLIC

If you're not out to your parents, then you can be out at public online forums, or you can go participate in some healthy gay activities organized by your local gay socitey or establishment. Of course, you can be out at blogspots like mine.. it's no harm afterall... but just be wise when you let out information.

RELIGIOUS TEACHERS

Until today, I am still in touch with my pastor whom I reveal my sexuality to. He didn't oppose hardly about homosexuality, he tries to understand and respect my decisions as well. He is a very good lending ear and I really appreciate that. But not all religious teachers can do so. There are teachers who oppose the gay lifestyle strong and hard due to their religious beliefs. So, this step is not advisable to be taken because somtimes you might just get confused between the gay lifestyle and religious beliefs. They're on the contrary, and you might just one day fall into serious depression....

But for teenagers, it is not advisable for you to come out to your peers, better not to most people, because if you parents were to finf out, sometimes, parents can be very conservative, and you might be kicked out from your house. So, it is better to come out when you're financially independent and at an adult age, they might understand better. So, just tahan! In the case of depression, search for immediate help! Look out for potential conselors who can help console your heart, even closest friends who are opened can help you. I am still a teenager, and I do experience similar coming out depressions...

So, now you know roughly how coming-out process is like? I would encourage people to share their stories here as well...